my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will pee on everything he values.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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