I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
