dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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