Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
