Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
