Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
