can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
