I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
