She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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