im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
