So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
