Four minutes until I can fart!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
