you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
