I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
