Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
