I wannas sexs uuuuu
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
