Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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