I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
