don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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