ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
A+ Viking dick
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
