She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
