when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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