He uses pillows to masturbate.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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