I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
