Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
