fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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