is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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