i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.