Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON