Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats