i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character