CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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