My liver just broke up with me...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
