I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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