I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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