Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
