Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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