I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
