just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize