Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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