shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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