she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
