She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
only if we run a train.
done.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
