sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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