I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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