I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
