i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
