season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
