Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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