girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize