He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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