didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
