yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
