Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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