What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's shark week go big or go home
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
