When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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