His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
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it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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