Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
