no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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