If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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