One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I faked an abortion last night.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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