So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
