you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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