I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
