In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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