Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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