Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
