Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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