I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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