Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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