so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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