I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
