Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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